WHY?

Case 1:
Today, I went out with my dear dear aka Baobei... I was looking forward to meet him, see him and be with him. The feeling is so intense that I wanna be with him so badly. But, I feel so scared because I know that he will be upset after meeting my parents. Its all because my parents dun really like him, and I know that.

Why it has to be like this? Instead for just making me in difficult position, they made him into difficult position too. He said "I do not feel like seeing your parents because they showed the face of not welcoming me in the house, I feel so anxious and scared whenever I saw your dad." He also asked me, if his mom showing faces to me, do I still wanna go to his place again and again or everyday?

I think twice, I understand how he feels. But How to mend this? What should I do so that my parents can accept him better? I dun wan him to be in a difficult position, this makes our relationship to be really tensed up. Instead of an happy outing, it becomes a miserable outing. What a torture it is?

I just wanna be with the guy I love, I do not mind all this difficulty... But this not only me in the position, it involved him as well. Am I being unfair to him for dragging him into such position?

Am I being so selfish? Why it has to be like diz??? I do not understand... why my parents have to do all this? Why cant they understand how to respect other's people feeling and accept the person as he is??? Dont they know that this will make their daughter in a very difficult position and it is very hard for her as well as for the person she loves the most? Dont they know that this will make their daughter hate them even more?? WHY???


Case 2:
I told my parents about him getting into interviews, and that they also never show that they are happy for him. Do my parents really hate him? Even his mom knows how to concern about me, why my parents cant do that?

The conversation between me and his mum altho is less, but at least his mom accept me and knows how to concern about me. But why my parents cant be the same? I really wish that my parents can do the same, so it wont be so difficult for me and also him.

All this while I thought that as long as he gets to be interviewed, then, my parents will be happy for him too. But I was wrong, completely wrong. But I will never give up, I still will hope for the day he gets a job, I am praying really hard for him so that by this, my parents will accept him better than now. I am wishing really hard. I know my parents want me to have a good life in future, married to a guy who can support me and give me happiness and stability. I have faith my dear can do that, I have faith in him, But why cant my parents have the same faith?

He is just graduated, finding jobs isnt easy. If things do not come your way, it never will... but if it does, it gonna be very smooth and easy. I have faith that he will be a successful guy in future. How do I know, I would say it is instinct. I trust him as well as my instinct.

But why, yet my prayers arent answered? Am I not spiritual enough? Why my parents cant accept him??? WHY?? WHY god doesnt wanna grant him a job???

Case 3:
Why my life has to be so many rocky paths and obstacles?
Why it cant be an easy going path like other?
Why I cant be with the guy I love?
Why my parents cant accept him and respect him and be happy that I have him?
Why everything I have to fight for it?
Why ???


Sob sobs!!! Nobody is there for me, he is lost himself... I am all alone in this. What should I do?

My last chance ~~

I look up to the sky today, things that happened yesterday still fresh in my mind, tears in my eyes, had dried up... "Its a brand new day, yesterday was a dream perhaps a nightmare" I told myself. But I know, whatever has happened, it did happen for a reason.

Perhaps, I am not a good/perfect person after-all... after all the thoughts, perhaps I have given people a false impression of me. I do not know... I look strong from the outside, but I am a weak, a failure inside... Things will never change, indeed in front of other people that I am weak... I cant show that... I kept telling myself... I have to be strong, BUT I cant!!!

I look up the rising sun when I drove to work... the sun is bright and round, slightly covered with fluffy clouds, I took some fresh air on the Penang Bridge. I told myself... "Whatever I have promised, I must keep it and not waste it"

It sounds so great, but I know what happened yesterday letting me know that to fall in love is easy, but to maintain a relationship takes time and effort. Being loved is such a good feeling, also, easily lead to taking things for granted. I have told myself " I wont take things for granted, but to work hard in a relationship"

I admit, yes... I do take things for granted, I did empty promises. But, I learn and I will never do that again.

I told to myself sternly today "I love him, I always will, I always do and put in all the effort so that he will never have a chance to say he wanna leave me again, I hope not..." But in my heart, to certain extend that he gonna leave me... somehow if he does and no more another chance will be given to me... THIS IS MY LAST CHANCE!!!








~SOB sob~