I am feeling so sad today. My worry built up and my troubles too.
Certain things that i try to avoid from thinking keep on popping out of my mind... What should I do so that i get peace of mind??
There is no one that i could turn to, my best friends all have their own things to busy with, my boyfriend too... I dun want him to get distracted from his study because of me. My housemates??? I am not close with them... I am just too far from them...
All I can do is keep everything to myself... keep whatever I can, altho i wont get it solve but time will prove to me.
I love my boyfriend with all my life, thinking of wanna spend the rest of my life with him. I never love someone so much before. But seems like there are so many obstacles in front of us. Too many obstacles... Will the relationship between us last?? I am not sure... I hope it will be.
Yea, he wont be coming back Aust after this year, nothing will keep him here except me. And I am uncertain about my own future. He might be somewhere out there far away from me next year. But for me, his love will never be far away. However, today I told him something that I would never have courage to say, but I said it.
"I always hope that u will always love me, like i will always love u. But if u wanna let go of me and pursue whateva u want... i hv nth to say, but to be there, be as ur friend and support and trust me, u r the last and the only guy that i love, nobody can replace u in my heart. If one day u say that you dun love me anymore and u wanna go for another girl.. i will let u go but my love for u is always there"
It sounds like from the movie, but it is not. It came out naturally from my heart.
To my dear dear, if u see this blog and read whatever its in here. Just bear one thing in mind, that I am always praying that our relationship will last and we will be walking down our future path together, hand in hand. IF you are reading this when we already no longer be together, remember that my love is always be with you nevertheless the support, care and also wishing u that you are always happy with ur life.
I writing this with tears rolling down my cheeks...
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Confusion...
"Walking down the street, cold and chilly night, just two of us... He held my hand"
It was after my working shift, he fetched me home. It was two days after my birthday. I never used to be happy again during my birthday period because I missed my late grandpa a lot. I never tell anyone about this. I couldnt take the sadness, i desperately wanted someone to talk to. At least a shoulder to cry on. He realised that I was really upset. He kept on asking me whats goin on. I refused to say.
We finally sat down on the bench in McD while having a cone of Sundae. He said that no matter what happen, he will always right beside me. I broke down into tears. And I told him. I couldnt take the sadness anymore. He is really understanding. After that, I felt it was such a relief and I agreed to go back home. During the stroll, HE HELD my hand... I was hoping for this moment to happen. It finally come true. But, there are others possiblity popped up in my mind. It could be because I was sad, and he is holding my hand to console me and telling me that I am not alone. Or, it could be proposing to me that he wants to be with me to walk the path in front of us.
I didnt struggle, I just let him hold my hand. I feel the warmth in his hand, so tightly hold. I can feel his presence makes me feel much much better, and I am not alone all this while.
However, it was a chilly nite. I was shivering to maximum. I couldnt control my shiver although I was already in the lift. And he made another move of hugging me tight. I was dumbfound!
He held my hand, and hugged me tooo!!!... Am I dreaming???
I was confused but happy at the same time. How could this be???
A lot of thoughts went through my brain that night. Is he holding my hand and hugging me because I was sad and cold. Or he wants me to be his gf and walk our new path together.
These thoughts repeated again and again, over and over again for the whole night...
It was after my working shift, he fetched me home. It was two days after my birthday. I never used to be happy again during my birthday period because I missed my late grandpa a lot. I never tell anyone about this. I couldnt take the sadness, i desperately wanted someone to talk to. At least a shoulder to cry on. He realised that I was really upset. He kept on asking me whats goin on. I refused to say.
We finally sat down on the bench in McD while having a cone of Sundae. He said that no matter what happen, he will always right beside me. I broke down into tears. And I told him. I couldnt take the sadness anymore. He is really understanding. After that, I felt it was such a relief and I agreed to go back home. During the stroll, HE HELD my hand... I was hoping for this moment to happen. It finally come true. But, there are others possiblity popped up in my mind. It could be because I was sad, and he is holding my hand to console me and telling me that I am not alone. Or, it could be proposing to me that he wants to be with me to walk the path in front of us.
I didnt struggle, I just let him hold my hand. I feel the warmth in his hand, so tightly hold. I can feel his presence makes me feel much much better, and I am not alone all this while.
However, it was a chilly nite. I was shivering to maximum. I couldnt control my shiver although I was already in the lift. And he made another move of hugging me tight. I was dumbfound!
He held my hand, and hugged me tooo!!!... Am I dreaming???
I was confused but happy at the same time. How could this be???
A lot of thoughts went through my brain that night. Is he holding my hand and hugging me because I was sad and cold. Or he wants me to be his gf and walk our new path together.
These thoughts repeated again and again, over and over again for the whole night...
Monday, April 20, 2009
When the person you love is right beside you...
Life hasnt been easy when you like someone who does not show any interest.
He might liking you in someway, but he might just treat you just a friend, nothing more than that.
He totally drove me crazy throughout last year. He did show some sign but it wasnt significant enough for me to conclude that he likes me.
It was once that I asked him whether he found his type of girl before, he said he liked a girl from his previous A-level classmate. I was really heartbroken. This means that I am just his best-friend afterall. Then I thought for a while, liking a person doesnt mean that you have to be with him. As long as he is happy, you will be happy. Although he couldnt be my boy-friend, well.. I still have him as my best friend. Thats good enough.
He was at age 26. So I did pastor him to get a gf asap coz of his age. He said that he hasnt found one yet. And he doesnt wanna get involve in any relationship yet although he likes the girl. So do I. We are really connected in this way because he knows why I dun wanna get involve, and he has the same reason as well.
Until one day, he told me that he has something for me when I get back to Penang. I desperately wanna know what he got for me. Finally he was forced to tell that he has a pair of soft toys for me. I was wondering why he got me a pair of soft toys. He spen time to play the soft toys vending machine, and he got 2 soft toys for me. I was so happy. And I was confused as well. Why is he wanna give me those soft toys that he won?
When the day has come to go back penang, I was so excited that he could give me the soft toys that he won for me. But I waited and waited, he didnt show up with the soft toys that he mentioned. I was kinda disappointed. But, I wasnt totally disappointed, I am kinda happy in a way that I can see him. And in few days after my holidays in penang, He will be following me to Adelaide. We are going to Adelaide together... we Will be staying in the same house. I will be able to see him all day and night. In another words... i am happy. Very happy indeed.
The memories that we travelled in the same flight, transitting from one air plane to another... It was really sweet and nice. I have the chance to sit beside him for 6hours. the god has really granted my wish.
He might liking you in someway, but he might just treat you just a friend, nothing more than that.
He totally drove me crazy throughout last year. He did show some sign but it wasnt significant enough for me to conclude that he likes me.
It was once that I asked him whether he found his type of girl before, he said he liked a girl from his previous A-level classmate. I was really heartbroken. This means that I am just his best-friend afterall. Then I thought for a while, liking a person doesnt mean that you have to be with him. As long as he is happy, you will be happy. Although he couldnt be my boy-friend, well.. I still have him as my best friend. Thats good enough.
He was at age 26. So I did pastor him to get a gf asap coz of his age. He said that he hasnt found one yet. And he doesnt wanna get involve in any relationship yet although he likes the girl. So do I. We are really connected in this way because he knows why I dun wanna get involve, and he has the same reason as well.
Until one day, he told me that he has something for me when I get back to Penang. I desperately wanna know what he got for me. Finally he was forced to tell that he has a pair of soft toys for me. I was wondering why he got me a pair of soft toys. He spen time to play the soft toys vending machine, and he got 2 soft toys for me. I was so happy. And I was confused as well. Why is he wanna give me those soft toys that he won?
When the day has come to go back penang, I was so excited that he could give me the soft toys that he won for me. But I waited and waited, he didnt show up with the soft toys that he mentioned. I was kinda disappointed. But, I wasnt totally disappointed, I am kinda happy in a way that I can see him. And in few days after my holidays in penang, He will be following me to Adelaide. We are going to Adelaide together... we Will be staying in the same house. I will be able to see him all day and night. In another words... i am happy. Very happy indeed.
The memories that we travelled in the same flight, transitting from one air plane to another... It was really sweet and nice. I have the chance to sit beside him for 6hours. the god has really granted my wish.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Best-friend or Boy-friend?
Have you been admiring someone secretly?
Have you been liking someone who is ur best-friend?
Have you been thinking of him day and night without knowing any valid reason?
Have you ever feel that you wanna tell him the truth that you like him but the words just being swallowed together with ur saliva?
Its hard to tell the truth of you liking someone who is so close to you. Words are not easily being said altho he is so close to you until that you shared all your problems with him. Nevertheless, the consequences of expressing out your feelings which you have for him, but what if it is just a one way affection. It makes you even shy to face him in future. This might affect the friendship which you have with him for past 4 years. But what if he has the same feelings towards you?? That would be a different story.
I have known him for almost 4 years. How do I met him? The first time we met each other was first year in our college life. He was a senior to me. We are in the same program. His batch was the first batch. The first impression I have on him was "i will never ever talk to this guy" kinda thing. It is because he looks so serious and scary. Our lecturer warned my batch of students that never ever borrowed any assignments from him cause his finished work is like a thesis (means that it is 100 pages thick)
As time goes by, our assignments get tougher. Till one day, we bumped into each other at the door of our lecturer's office. He knew that I encountered some problems with my assignment. He has been very helpful. That was the time we exchanged our contact details e.g. MSN address and HP number. He taught me how to do my assignments. He sent me his assignments for my reference. Slowly, my impression on him changed. He becomes my best-friend since then. He listened to my problems, my sadness and my sucks love life. He slowly becoming my diary.
He offers help whenever I needed it. We helped each other in running college Science Camp. As time passes by, he became my designated driver. We became really close. Whenever you see him, you will see me. Everyone knows about it. Both of us have great teamwork with each other.
First year in college has ended, we departed each other and proceed to our own destination of studies. He decided to continue his second year of degree in Adelaide. However, I decided to continue my second year in Nilai before proceed to overseas. Although we are few miles away from each other. He maintained our friendship by sending email and msn. Within the first few months in Adelaide, he has encountered problems with transfering credits and identity. He was so down with this problem. At the end, he decided to come back Malaysia and continue his second year instead.
At the end of second year, its my time to proceed my study overseas. He has been advising me to choose Uni of Adelaide. I have no idea why, but maybe its true that its good to have someone to go overseas and study together. At least, I wont feel lonely at the country of others.
Within the period of waiting for approval of application etc, he has been beside me and encouraging me. At the same time, I was undergoing depression due to broken heart. I have just broke up with my previous bf. Things are very complicated. I am lucky that I have him to listen to all my troubles.
At that time, feelings started overwhelmed me. I feel so pampered and cared by my best-friend. Slowly, the feelings started to develope. However, I know that it is not a suitable time for me to commit myself in relationship. I have to concentrate in my studies and get good grades. As for him, he admit that he doesnt wanna involve in any relationship yet. He still wanna be single. But the feeling for him is so strong.
Throughout the day in Adelaide, I missed him a lot. Sending emails to him as he did once upon a time when he came to adelaide. I called him whenever I want someone to talk to. He is the 1st person that I turn to. I also felt happy when he came online. No matter how busy I am, I will also spend time and chat with him. Most of the time, he is so afraid that he is interupting me doing my assignments or doing my revision. Altho I am middle of something, I never feel that he is interupting me. He is also my punching bag when I am mad, he is my diary.
There are few times that I wanted to let him know that I like him. But words are just hard to get out from my vocal cord. And I am scared that I might scare him away. So, at the end I have decided that just to keep the feeling to myself. At the same time, he has shown feelings to me, but it was so unclear for me to know that he has the affection for me too. He cares for me all the time. He might care for me cause I am his best-friend. Things are so blur. Certain things are better to keep to my ownself.
I still remember that he tried to help me to kick away all the "flies" (nonsense admirers of mine). We have a deal that makes everyone thinks that we are couple. In a way to let the "flies" know that I am in relationship in a fake way. Both BF initial could mean boyfriend for most ppl, but for both of us, it means best-friend. That was our deal. But in my heart, I really want him to be my boy-friend as well as best-friend.
The feeling is so hard and strong. But certain things, it will come naturally. there will be no happiness if we keep on forcing it. If he is the one, then there will be one day that we will be together as best-friend as well as a couple. I promised myself for not making harsh decision. So... I plan to wait for the day to come....
Have you been liking someone who is ur best-friend?
Have you been thinking of him day and night without knowing any valid reason?
Have you ever feel that you wanna tell him the truth that you like him but the words just being swallowed together with ur saliva?
Its hard to tell the truth of you liking someone who is so close to you. Words are not easily being said altho he is so close to you until that you shared all your problems with him. Nevertheless, the consequences of expressing out your feelings which you have for him, but what if it is just a one way affection. It makes you even shy to face him in future. This might affect the friendship which you have with him for past 4 years. But what if he has the same feelings towards you?? That would be a different story.
I have known him for almost 4 years. How do I met him? The first time we met each other was first year in our college life. He was a senior to me. We are in the same program. His batch was the first batch. The first impression I have on him was "i will never ever talk to this guy" kinda thing. It is because he looks so serious and scary. Our lecturer warned my batch of students that never ever borrowed any assignments from him cause his finished work is like a thesis (means that it is 100 pages thick)
As time goes by, our assignments get tougher. Till one day, we bumped into each other at the door of our lecturer's office. He knew that I encountered some problems with my assignment. He has been very helpful. That was the time we exchanged our contact details e.g. MSN address and HP number. He taught me how to do my assignments. He sent me his assignments for my reference. Slowly, my impression on him changed. He becomes my best-friend since then. He listened to my problems, my sadness and my sucks love life. He slowly becoming my diary.
He offers help whenever I needed it. We helped each other in running college Science Camp. As time passes by, he became my designated driver. We became really close. Whenever you see him, you will see me. Everyone knows about it. Both of us have great teamwork with each other.
First year in college has ended, we departed each other and proceed to our own destination of studies. He decided to continue his second year of degree in Adelaide. However, I decided to continue my second year in Nilai before proceed to overseas. Although we are few miles away from each other. He maintained our friendship by sending email and msn. Within the first few months in Adelaide, he has encountered problems with transfering credits and identity. He was so down with this problem. At the end, he decided to come back Malaysia and continue his second year instead.
At the end of second year, its my time to proceed my study overseas. He has been advising me to choose Uni of Adelaide. I have no idea why, but maybe its true that its good to have someone to go overseas and study together. At least, I wont feel lonely at the country of others.
Within the period of waiting for approval of application etc, he has been beside me and encouraging me. At the same time, I was undergoing depression due to broken heart. I have just broke up with my previous bf. Things are very complicated. I am lucky that I have him to listen to all my troubles.
At that time, feelings started overwhelmed me. I feel so pampered and cared by my best-friend. Slowly, the feelings started to develope. However, I know that it is not a suitable time for me to commit myself in relationship. I have to concentrate in my studies and get good grades. As for him, he admit that he doesnt wanna involve in any relationship yet. He still wanna be single. But the feeling for him is so strong.
Throughout the day in Adelaide, I missed him a lot. Sending emails to him as he did once upon a time when he came to adelaide. I called him whenever I want someone to talk to. He is the 1st person that I turn to. I also felt happy when he came online. No matter how busy I am, I will also spend time and chat with him. Most of the time, he is so afraid that he is interupting me doing my assignments or doing my revision. Altho I am middle of something, I never feel that he is interupting me. He is also my punching bag when I am mad, he is my diary.
There are few times that I wanted to let him know that I like him. But words are just hard to get out from my vocal cord. And I am scared that I might scare him away. So, at the end I have decided that just to keep the feeling to myself. At the same time, he has shown feelings to me, but it was so unclear for me to know that he has the affection for me too. He cares for me all the time. He might care for me cause I am his best-friend. Things are so blur. Certain things are better to keep to my ownself.
I still remember that he tried to help me to kick away all the "flies" (nonsense admirers of mine). We have a deal that makes everyone thinks that we are couple. In a way to let the "flies" know that I am in relationship in a fake way. Both BF initial could mean boyfriend for most ppl, but for both of us, it means best-friend. That was our deal. But in my heart, I really want him to be my boy-friend as well as best-friend.
The feeling is so hard and strong. But certain things, it will come naturally. there will be no happiness if we keep on forcing it. If he is the one, then there will be one day that we will be together as best-friend as well as a couple. I promised myself for not making harsh decision. So... I plan to wait for the day to come....
Saturday, April 11, 2009
1st post - Hallett Cove
Date: 12/4/2009
Time has passed pretty fast, a day of nice trip to Hallett Cove has over. But my body aching due to the effect of climbing, running and walking up and down the trail for the treasure hunt. But all these pains are not pain at all. Viewing the nice scenery from the peak, walking up the trail seeing lots of natural formation is already paid off. Besides, able to be there with my love one is purely more than I can wish for.
Hallett Cove is a wonderful place during the sunny day. But, the sun is just to hot till it burned my skin... and now I am taint. However, I do wish that I can dived into the clear deep blue sea to view the corals, and other marine lifes. It is just like heaven. It is just 30mins from Adelaide city which I live in currently.
Time has passed pretty fast, a day of nice trip to Hallett Cove has over. But my body aching due to the effect of climbing, running and walking up and down the trail for the treasure hunt. But all these pains are not pain at all. Viewing the nice scenery from the peak, walking up the trail seeing lots of natural formation is already paid off. Besides, able to be there with my love one is purely more than I can wish for.
Hallett Cove is a wonderful place during the sunny day. But, the sun is just to hot till it burned my skin... and now I am taint. However, I do wish that I can dived into the clear deep blue sea to view the corals, and other marine lifes. It is just like heaven. It is just 30mins from Adelaide city which I live in currently.
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